Monday, June 27, 2011

That's not a third nipple. It's my sexual peak. Nothing to be scared of.

When I sat down to write this post I decided first to do a little research on the topic before spouting off and giving you my thoughts. By research, I mean that I Googled Female Sexual Peak, which led to Sexual Peek-a-boo, which took me to panties and bras with missing material. So I bought some and decided, "Screw that nonsense. I'll just do what I normally would and preach it like it's gospel and go from there!"

In a cruel twist of fate, I hit my "peak" and there's no one to take it out on. We've covered this before. I could go to the bar, check Craigslist, Match.com, or a variety of other sexual sources. I could also just cut out the middle man and poke myself in the vagina with a searing hot poker or go straight to the clinic downtown and rub myself on someone with unidentified pustules. 

The problem isn't so much the lack of potential partners. No, for me it's about sleep. If I don't feel comfortable enough to lay next to you when it's all said and done and go to sleep, there's absolutely no chance that I'm going to put any part of you inside any part of me. I don't require cuddling or sweet nothings and loving romantic touches. Hey those would be nice, but it's the soothing feeling of a warm body and the steady sound of breathing that does it for me. I know what you're thinking... "Does she usually have a cold, dead, non-breathing body next to her?" Listen here Judgey McJudgerson, I don't need your approval 'kay?

It's supposed to mean something isn't it? Although, I've had entire relationships that meant something to me and a hell of a lot less to him (you know who you are). Still, I don't make it a habit to play Russian Roulette with random guns. I don't let just anyone use the old Slip N'Slide. Ya feel me? 

Anyway, I found a blog out there today that talked about the "Myth" of the female sexual peak. While I might agree with the poster that the hormonal fluctuation people assume accompanies this magical age is inconclusive, I have to tell ya boys and girls.... the blogger seemed bitter and angry. Angry at women maybe? Angry at society, and in this particular post angry at the sector of the female society that dares to enjoy sex after the age of 35. I had no idea anyone else was having as much of an issue with my burgeoning filthy mind as I am! I don't feel so alone now. Ha! 

To the men who feel the "myth" of the female sexual peak is a joke or a lame excuse, please consider that it's not necessarily a hormonal peak. The 35 years plus group of women are coming into their own. Our children are less dependent on us. We have the time and energy to participate in sex. In many cases we are done bearing children, and our focus shifts to a place where men's has been for years... sensation.We are more comfortable with our bodies, and we've finally found our outside voices that allow us to say, "To the left, lower, YES!" We thought you liked that sort of thing. 

Now I just need to figure out how long this is going to last. 










2 comments:

Heather said...

My very wise grandmother told me it has nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with your kids growing up and getting out, and you actually gaining the time and energy to enjoy sex. All my age 40+ friends say sex is better than ever - and I think Grandma must be right. Since I have 7 kids still living at home ages 5-17 and a sexy, yet deprived and horny husband, I wouldn't know for myself.

Angie said...

Grandmother's are AWESOME Heather! Just think... 10 more years and the youngest will want to be anywhere except at home so you will get your groove back! :)

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