Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Stuff you probably didn't need to know...

1. I am an incredibly shitty role model for your kid.
Don't ask me to spend time with your kids. I will tell them things you are too scared to tell them and I'll probably drink a glass of wine when I do it. After a recent house party where our son's were present, my friend Shannon's son said to her, "Why can't you talk to me like Angie does. She tells me how things really are."

Truth be told, this discussion happened when her son and another boy were complaining about dancing and certain foods at the party. I simply told them, "Listen guys, girls like guys who can dance and know things they don't... especially if they seem foreign. Squid and octopus sound disgusting. Even though girls will cringe when you talk about it, they will think you're cool anyway. We're dumb that way. Same thing goes for knowing a cool foreign language. Girls will kiss you just for that."

2. I am not the best person to ask about health matters.
I still try stupid things to get rid of 10 pounds. There are only two reasons to exercise in my book. First, it allows you to eat what you want, even junk (sorry Max, I know you care about healthy choices). Secondly, no one will bother you if you are exercising. My kids can yell all they want but if I yell back, "I can't hear you over the treadmill", they will put off asking me anything again until they hear it turn off. I can think of about 15 disgusting fast food items I've seen on TV that I'm dying to try. Shoot me.

3. I like red wine more than I like some of my family.
I'm not going to name names, but if some members of my family call me I pour myself a glass of red and pretend I'm talking to it instead.

4. I cheer for Canadian hockey teams over American teams.
I will grant you the Olympic games. Everyone gets to go back to their home country there so we'll call it all even. I will cheer for the American team in the Olympics. Otherwise, the Canadiens have my vote, followed by Toronto and Vancouver. Hell, it practically originated there and I'm a big fan of people not losing their identity. ;) Aside from that, the first guy to explain the game to me was a Canadiens fan who speaks French and (refer back to 1.)

5. When I am walking in a crowd of people I often make believe I am a celebrity and unapproachable.
Just accept this and move on.

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