Friday, June 3, 2011

Saying "Screw Feminism!" one hair at a time...

I'm not a hippy or a Feminist. I will neither burn my bra nor let my body hair grow based on my principles. FACT.

When you stop shaving by traditional blade and switch to waxing, there is a period of time you have to go through that absolutely drives a person to distraction. I hate stubble as much as I hate onions, well almost. Stubble doesn't make me puke in my mouth.

Let's face it, waxing is a bit expensive and more than a bit personal. To get it right though you do sort of want to make sure it's being done by a professional.  I read the email in which the helpful lady recounts her story of home waxing and getting her girly bits stuck to the bathtub. I'm ok with a little pain, but my Jacuzzi doesn't deserve such treatment.  After the last time I paid Helga the Hun to rip the hair from my body... ok, after I finished crying THEN paid her, I decided it was time to look into alternative solutions.

  • I am not a fan of creams and lotions. They have a tendancy to burn my skin while leaving behind hair. Either my skin is ultra sensitive or the hair on my legs should be studied by the Propecia people and used to treat male pattern baldness.  I am willing to allow Nair, Neat, Propecia, Nioxin, etc scientists to take a sample of my hair for a price
  • Shaving allows hair to grow back too quickly for my taste, and I do NOT like getting somewhere and realizing I missed a spot. Even if I had a razor in my purse (because who doesn't right?) I'd probably be out of lotion with no source of water and I'd be compelled to dry shave. There is no way I could NOT shave it knowing there was a strip of dark on the back of my calf.
  • That Smooth Away product looked neat until I realized it was just sandpaper. Somehow I don't think those results last very long, and the idea of sanding myself seems wrong. Besides, I don't trust anything you can only buy on TV late at night or from the end-cap at Walmart.
  • I tried the original Epilady when I was a teen. We all know that the pain experienced when using the Epilady was equivalent to being stabbed in the eye with a million needles... or dare I say it... child birth. The other thing I remember about the ripping stick is that the hair took forever to grow back.
That settled it. I went looking for an Epilady. What I ended up with was a compromise. I decided to trade some of that original searing pain of a coil ripping my hair out at the folicle for Remington's modern day version that has a rolling barrel with something like 20 tiny tweezers that rip the hair out at the folicle. It hurts a bit the first couple of times you do each area, but it's nothing compared to the original Epilady. 4-6 weeks of smoothness. LOVE it.

In true "if you love it so much why don't you marry it" fashion, I wanted you all to be the first to know that I am marrying my EP5000 SS. It certainly does the job in the bedroom, if ya know what I mean <wink>. Uh, what I mean is that I use it when I am sitting on the bed watching TV. I suppose it could also do the job in the bathroom, kitchen, livingroom, etc.

I care neither that it can't mow the lawn nor that it will be a sexless marriage. I like to mow the yard and I am not getting any of the other as it is. This maintains the status quo with the benefit of being almost completely hairless!

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