Friday, June 10, 2011


Let's pretend for a moment that we're back in high school. Now close your eyes and imagine I'm that girl you wanted to be like. Right, now let's talk about stuff I like because like that girl, it's all about me. While we're still pretending, let's also make believe that I'm a mystery shopper and not just someone you're likely to see on the next season of Hoarders. Okay? Okay. 

1. Foot Works Dual-Action Pedi Peel - Yeah, I sell Avon on the side. When I say that I always feel dirty. You'd think I've been standing on a corner naked under my trench coat, whipping it open to passing old ladies, "I got what you need baby, and what you need is Anew Clinical for those wrinkles...". Anyhooters, back to the product. 

When I don't like a product, I don't pimp it no matter what the incentive is for selling. THESE.THINGS.ROCK! They look like oxy pads for your feet.  $6 for 22 pads. Use every other day until you decide you don't want to have the sexiest smoothest feet in THE WORLD. Alright, I can't promise sexy feet. If your feet look like the sort of thing that would make Jesus cry, they're still gonna be ugly as sin. But they will be smooooooth and soft. 

2. TOSTITOS® ARTISAN RECIPES® Roasted Garlic and Black Bean Tortilla Chips- If I could triple dog dare people to stop at one chip and make money from their failure I would be on my way to Bilderberg 2011. You do not need a dip with these. I actually think there should be a law against dipping these. 

3. Cutler Creek Pinot Grigio and Merlot (Hy-Vee Food Stores)- If you're lucky enough to live in an area with Hy-Vee grocery stores or Wine and Liquors, you will find Cutler Creek wines on the shelf. This brand is exclusive to the store and is featured in the new "3, 6, 9, Anytime" campaign. I won't go all wino on you here, but both of these wines deliver FAR above their $3 price tag. Try the Pinot Grigio as a spritzer. Beautiful in the hot weather. The Merlot is mellow. It's good for your wallet, your heart, and the earth (eco friendly). Oh just go get it already. Meet me on the deck mmmkay?

4. Fage Total 2% Greek Yogurt- I buy the strawberry. There is a fat free, but for the love of yogurt come on already! I'll take the 2% version with 2.5 g fat, 140 calories, and 12 G protein, 17 g carbs. When you tip up the little cup of preserves and spoon it into the plain yogurt, YOU my friend are the mixologist. It's like dessert and you're going to feel a little guilty eating it. I promise. 

5. Dimock Italian- It's local for me, but anyone can order. I took the Italian with me to my girl's day last weekend. Much like the Tostitos above, good luck keeping it out of your mouth. It's full of flavor and so smooth. I lied about the rest of the cheese being too big to fit in the zip-lock just so I could cut off another slice. 

6. Eden Fantasys- Oh just click the link, ya prude. If someone puts a sex shop on their list of "Glory of Glories" it is your duty, nay... your obligation to go there. When you're done. Check out... 

7. Eden Cafe- Articles, give aways, contests, fun sexual edutainment.(SERIOUSLY??? Edutainment is now a real word?!) I love this place! 

If this were my hoarding list I wouldn't let my parents watch my episode.  I'm fairly certain they don't want to imagine me surrounded by sex toys, drunk on cheap wine, covered in food crumbs. That's how I plan to be found when I die. With a sex site on the screen. 

(Skye you're still coming over to spare my family the shame of finding my stuff right?) 

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