Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Who am I again?

I wake up every day knowing a few things.
1. This is my bed
2. I have two kids
3. Someone has to go to work and that person is me

Unfortunately these days that's about as good as it gets. I mentioned this to a good friend last week and his response was, "Bullshit. You're you. We love you." Flattering? Sure, but also a little disconcerting. Poor decision making on their part?

I really just don't have the slightest clue what I am doing these days. I don't know what I want from life. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up (I hope it's not supposed to happen this year or I am screwed). So in hopes of figuring out what I do want I'm going to make a list of "don't wants". That right there should prove to eliminate half of the world's possibilities (simple Angie math states if it's not this it's that...).

Don't Want
1. Sales jobs- I am tired of trying to convince people of things that even I don't believe in.
2. Any job that requires a headset- Over it. This is the last time.
3. Snowy winters- I want to tie a snow shovel to the back of my car and drive until someone asks me what it is. At that point I will know I've gone far enough away.
4. Clingy men- I've been taking care of kids for 17 + years now and I expect my mate to be emotionally secure enough to make me an addition to their life rather than a substitute for.
5. Excuses- People should start putting the blame for things squarely where they belong. I am tired of making excuses for my own situation.  For those things I don't have solutions for I still need to be able to categorize them and accept them for what they are.  Sure bad things happen to all of us, but at some point you need to realize that your reaction will determine where you go from that point. No, you're not screwed up because someone hurt you. You're screwed up because you actually realize that something is wrong yet do nothing to fix yourself. Stop being a victim. No one likes a victim except the scavengers of the world.


RCB said...

"I really just don't have the slightest clue what I am doing these days. I don't know what I want from life." So, tell me, almost one year down the line now - would you say that's still you?

Angie said...

I applied for a job awhile back and I told myself if I don't get it that it would be God's way of saying, "Focus on what you have always wanted to be rather than finding another rock in the river of life to hop to."

Almost a year later I find myself in the river swimming up stream. I'm focusing on my writing, starting a new phase in my life, and realizing the Stones pretty much nailed it when they sang, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need."

To cryptic?

RCB said...

No, it's perfectly clear. Good for you.

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